How Do You Self-Soothe?

'The main affliction of our modern civilisation is that we don't know how to handle the suffering inside us and we try to cover it up with all kinds of consumption.'
Thich Nhat Hanh

Think about it - we are all about instant gratification these days, especially as we are coming out of restrictions and lockdowns. We don't have to be bored - ever - we can watch whatever we want, whenever we want. Our children are handed iPads wherever they are, whenever. Restaurants, family gatherings, you see it everywhere. We are constantly being distracted by our outside world. What's the problem? The problem is, we still have problems. We still have stresses, but we are losing the ability to deal with them. We still have things to do, jobs to go to, and responsibilities to honour. So what happens when all this gets too much?

We eat. We drink. We smoke. We act up. Insert any other behaviour here. We do anything we can to self-soothe, to distract, to escape what is actually going on, because we don't know what to do with those feelings. We've spent years being distracted, busy, on the go, but the stresses still build up and we ignore.

When clients talk to me, they might start crying and say ‘I have no idea where this is coming from,’ and they apologise. I think it’s good. It’s a breakthrough. I hand them a tissue and tell them it’s ok, and to keep going, keep talking, keep crying, sit with the feelings. They always feel better for it, even if it’s a realisation and acknowledgement of just how much is going on for them. Because from there, we can do something. We can change the coping mechanisms. We can replace the unhelpful behaviours. We can heal.

If you dislike the idea of sitting still, you need to sit still. Read that again…

Contact me if this sounds familiar - and I may be able to help you. 
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